My Dirty Little Secret: Coming Clean

So, if you follow the Dashboard Dad blog regularly, you've probably caught yourself thinking, "Wow, this guy really has life figured out. He's a guys guy who is exceptionally manly and he sets a good example of how a strong minded confident man should lead his family while still being in touch with his feelings enough to spit 'em out and express them through the majesty of blog. His wife must be the luckiest gal on earth, but I wonder how she was able to tame such a manly beast!?"

No? You've never thought that?

Am I that guy whose self perception is so far off from how others actually perceive him that people shake their heads in agreement during conversation, when in reality they are wondering how on earth he could possibly view himself in that manner? You know that guy right? I think we've all had at least one or two in our lives at some point. So disillusioned, but you're not gonna be the one to break it to him. The way he (or she for that matter) views himself couldn't be further from reality.

Well, speaking of reality, I have a dirty little secret and I think it's finally time for me to come clean. Sometimes things are just not what they appear, especially when you take the time to look in the deepest crevases of someone's life.

A few years back I let a certain something creep into my life and hide in my closet. I'm well past the denial stage. Now I'm just blaming it on everyone I possibly can, other than myself. It's probably best for me just to put it out there so all of you can hold me accountable from here on out. I'm desperate. I feel like this might be my only hope.

Have you ever experimented with drugs?

I'm not talking about your run of the mill gateway drug like marijuana. I'm talking about hard drugs. The kind that really sink their teeth into you and refuse to let you go. The kind that turn the entire remainder of your life into a constant one day at a time battle of abstaining from using.

Have you ever experimented with that type of drug?

Don't answer that question. I don't really want to know. I hope the answer is a resounding NO from all of you. Me? The answer is NO. I've never experimented with any type of drug in my life. However, there IS a reason why I bring it up. Thanks to my wife, I do believe I've experimented with something just as bad. She's the one who introduced me. She stuck that first figurative needle in my arm and she continues to enable me year after year. I feel like a slave to these chains she's shackled me with.

I really shouldn't blame her but the sad reality is that I do most times, even though I know that I have free will and that I am the one who ultimately made such a poor decision. I am the one who decided to follow her down this deep dark path. No one else. I honestly thought I could just dip my toes into "the devil's water" and not get hooked. I was wrong. I believe the key is avoiding that first figurative injection of the season. I've failed to do that multiple times. Now I spend my days and nights asking myself questions that I'm not sure I'll ever have the answers to:

• Are Des and Chris truly happy? They sure seemed to have something special between the two of them, but does she ever let thoughts of Brooks creep back into her head? Oh, what could have been!?! Has her stupid brother screwed it up yet like he did with Sean or has he managed to keep his stupid mouth shut this time around, now that the cameras are gone? Punk! Poor Des. Good luck sweet girl. You are my favorite.

• What was Jake thinking? Vienna? Really, Jake? A blind and deaf person could have told you she was a vindictive hussy. I guess you found out in the end didn't you? You two deserved each other. Creep. Good Riddance.

• Brad??? Emily??? Never would have worked. Emily, you are a beautiful woman but you just exude high maintenance. Brad, come on man. Temper tantrums? Really? At your age? That guy just seemed fifty shades of f...nevermind.

•  Did Sean really pick what's her face? I can't even remember her name but she would have been like my 8th choice. She must have shown you something that she never showed the camera because I just didn't see it, brother... and please explain to me how on earth you were fooled by Tierra's "sparkle" for so long. Come on man!!!

• Josh and Andi, you guys live in the same town and you got to date on a Bachelor budget. How could you not make that work? I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Kids these days! 

• Oh Ali, sweet Ali... and Roberto. Out of every couple in Bachelor history to break up, yours hurts  me the worst. You two crazy kids really seemed like you had what it takes. I just need to know why? WHY? That chemistry you two possessed together on the baseball field that time!?! What happened to it? Where did it go? Could I have done something to help? If I had started a fundraiser to put you guys up for just one more night in the fantasy suite could you recapture the magic and live happily ever after?????

Ah, The Bachelor!

 Will you accept this rose?

Will you accept my man card?

I think I'm too far gone. Tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At this point I'm not sure if I'm salvageable. I've been chasing the dragon for far too long. I think rock bottom for me was the time I was on my way to my flag football game one Monday night and I caught myself thinking about how grateful I was for our DVR. What is wrong with me? I'm supposed to be a man. How did I let things spiral this out of control?

 I've put the blame on my wife. I've even put the blame on Chris Harrison. I think I've finally found the person who deserves to have this blame resting squarely on his shoulders though. From here on out I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could have been any clearer. If I wanna get my man card back I need to take a look at myself and then make that change.  Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah!

My name is Casey Grice and I'm a bachelorholic.

I admit that I am powerless over it.

One day at a time.

From here on out I will NEVER even think about The Bachelor again!!!!!

I'm a Man!!! I WILL overcome!!! I've got this!!! No doubt!!!






P.S. Did Chris really just pick Whitney over that pretty virgin girl Becca?!?

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

WARNING: Dear Dad and Mom

What if I told you that I could time travel?

 What if I told you that I found something of yours from the future and brought it back with me? 

What if I told you that what I found was something carefully crafted by one of your children?

Would you want to see it?

I don't know about you, but if YOU told ME that you could time travel and that you found something that belonged to me I would tell you that you are certifiably CRAZY! However, I would want to see what you had just to satisfy my curiosity.

What could it hurt?

What could it possibly be?

I bet it's something amazing!

If I had to guess, I'd say that one of my little geniuses probably grew up to be the guy who finally invented the hover board from the movie Back to the Future, and you brought one back for me.

Am I right?

I'm right aren't I?

Weren't we supposed to have those by now?

No? That's not it?

Unfortunately, it's not something that cool. It's actually just a letter. A letter written by someone's child once he/she had grown up and done some real thinking as an adult, but I'm not sure who it belongs to. Check it out if you'd like, but don't say I didn't warn you. The future can be a dark and scary place depending on the decisions you make and the habits you develop along the way:

Dear Dad and Mom,

                     Hey guys it's me. I am writing to let you know that married life and parenthood are fantastic. By fantastic I mean, a real challenge, but you already knew that.  For some reason I've had a lot on my mind lately and I just wanted to get it all out there and off of my chest. I'd like to start by saying that I appreciate everything you've done for me throughout the years. Now that I've been on my own for a while I'm really starting to realize all the sacrifices you two made for me. As a child I never really understood how much time and effort you put into my life. It seems like something happens pretty much every day now that helps me put it all into perspective. You invested in me.  You provided for me. You taught me how to take care of myself. You taught me how to treat others. You told me all about love and the values to look for in a spouse. Thank you for that.

I do have a few confessions and questions though. There were a lot of things that I saw or heard while growing up that you never knew about. Maybe you guys didn't think I was paying attention? Maybe you guys didn't think I was old enough to understand? Maybe you guys got too caught up to realize exactly what was going on? Whatever the reason may be, I just need a few answers. I made many observations throughout the years but I just never knew how to properly address them.

• Dad, I noticed that you would drop what you were doing to help a friend in need no matter what they needed, yet it always seemed like when Mom needed a favor you treated her like she was asking for the world. You just never had the time.
• Mom, you were always so patient with me when I made mistakes. You were patient and forgiving of everyone's mistakes, besides Dad's. Sometimes it seemed like you enjoyed pointing them out, actually. It never made sense to me. It seemed like he was the one person you had unrealistic expectations for.
• Dad, you always told me how much you loved me. You always showed me how much you loved me. Is there a reason why you didn't do the same for Mom? You taught me that we are a family and we're supposed to love each other. Is there some kind of exception to that rule between you and Mom?
• Mom, you always taught me to speak to others with respect and I was held accountable when I did not. I never understood why you spoke to Dad the way you did  when you thought no one else was listening.
• Dad, you always expected me to be forthright and honest with my feelings. You stressed to me how important it was to communicate with others but you always seemed to shut down and hold your feelings inside when it was time to communicate with Mom. Why?
• Mom, you didn't fight fair. You fought to win the fight, not to resolve the problem. 

Alright, it's all off my chest. I think I feel better and I hope you guys understand. I'm sorry I never said anything sooner but I just didn't know how to articulate it properly. I'm old enough now that I do. Sometimes I catch myself  falling into some of these behaviors in my marriage and I don't like the way it makes me feel. You guys taught me to marry my best friend and I did, but it just made me realize that you guys did not. Or did you? Were you ever best friends? Do you love each other? I  know it's too late to change any of this for my sake but you can do it for yours. I love you.

                                                                                                                      Sincerely,

                                                  

                                                                                                                      ____________

Was this your letter?

I hope not.

Could you imagine receiving this letter from one of your children one day?

...Or even just knowing that your child had to struggle with these unanswered questions throughout life and there was no way you could go back and change things?

Wouldn't it break your heart?

Wouldn't it make you wish you could just go back and somehow find a way to do better? To be more kind and more loving towards your spouse; to be more like we teach our children to be?

I'm so glad I've never personally had to think about these things regarding my parents. My parents are both 71 years old and just as in love as ever. I could NOT have had a better example. I know that is not the case for everyone. I consider myself blessed to have never witnessed any of the examples in the letter above. I hope that my boys are able to say the same when they are my age.

I've never understood why we choose one person to commit to for THE REST OF OUR LIVES  and then we proceed to show love, kindness and patience to everyone else in our lives more than we do to the person we chose to do life with. It just doesnt make sense. I understand that we spend a lot of time with our spouse and conflict is sure to arise but we need to rise above it. We need to be more like teammates and less like adversaries.

We all need reminders from time to time. My wife and I are no different than anyone else. What's important is that we are able to step back and re focus. My wife does a great job of that. She's not perfect, but she always steps back and tries to see things from my perspective and I appreciate that.

Okay, she's perfect. Who am I kidding?
;)

Remember what is at stake here. Find your proper motivation. Remember why you chose your spouse. You picked each other for a reason (last time I checked we dont really do prearranged marriages). Regardless of what that reason was, we all deserve to be treated like a best friend. Our children deserve to be able to do as we do, not only as we say, and still be on the right path.

I will leave you with a quote from the wise philosopher Jackie Moon:

"Everybody love everybody!"

Let's all do better.
We can do it!
Don't just be.
Be Happy.



P.S. Unfortanetly, I cannot time travel. Just in case I had you convinced.


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Handyman's Game!

Let me start out by telling you that my wife is amazing. Her name is Daphne. We've been married for 5 and a half years. We have two boys. 3 years and 1 year old respectively. Sure, we butt heads and drive each other crazy from time to time but when it really comes down to it, she's a great teammate. I'm talking about the kind of wife who, when we got married and before we had kids, signed off on a rule that balls being thrown in the house are totally welcome. If she regrets making that deal now it's only slightly but she hasn't voiced it. When she made the deal I did what any self respecting man and sports fan would do. I put up a basketball goal on the living room wall.

My friends and I designed a game called "Man's Game" that consists of three grown men playing close to full contact basketball inside the house and when you make a good physical play you simply exclaim, "MAN'S GAME!" to the other two guys. As you can Imagine, things get broken and people get hurt. Fortunately, not that often and not that bad. Now that we have kids it's a rarity that we play Man's Game because it typically gets a little too loud. However, we do play a lot of horse. You know horse right? If not I'll just say it's a trick shot game and the nature of the game suggests that balls will be bouncing off walls and certain other parts of the house that balls probably shouldn't bounce off of.

Typically, when Daphne and the boys go out of town I like to invite the guys over for a guys night where we eat some wings, watch some sports and play a little indoor man's game and horse. About two years ago I made a new friend named Mike. Mike and I discovered quickly that we have a whole lot in common. As children we played against each other in baseball tournaments and didn't know it. We're both family men with kids. We have similar parenting styles. We both have a son named Cooper. We both love sports. We even recently discovered that we both spent last summer watching seasons 1-6 of Breaking Bad to bridge the gap between college basketball season and football season but even though we talk about pretty much everything we didn't tell each other because we both had the same fear that the other one may have already watched the show a year or two ago like everyone else and might slip up and spoil the ending. I guess that means we both have amazing discipline... and oh yeah, we both enjoy playing man's game and horse at guys night and usually one of us wins. (Mike is basically a taller and more handsome version of me with actual skills with tools and technology.) Check him out at: sunshinedad.wordpress.com

It also didn't take us very long to realize that Mike and I have one major difference. He is super handy and I am super not. There was a time in my life a few years back when I was in major denial that I suffered from some type of "handy-cap" if you will. I have long since grown out of that stage of denial and fully embrace the fact that that is just not me. I was the baby of a family with 4 children. I had 3 older siblings and a Mom and Dad to do things for me. There are so many things I should have learned how to do or someone could have taught me but instead they just did it for me. I'm not blaming anyone. That's just how it went. I'm not handy. To be honest, my wife is probably slightly handier than I am. I can't believe I just typed that. My man card should be revoked but I can't find it...oh yeah, it got revoked when my first son was born and I cried like a baby back in April of 2011. It was reinstated in early 2013 just in time to be re-revoked when my second son was born that April. Anyway, what do non-handy men do when they don't know how to fix things? They call up a handy friend for help. I usually call my brother but Mike has come over a time or two to help me out.

It just so happens that Daphne and the boys are out of town for a few days. This time around I decided not to have a guys night but rather to take down the tree and all the Christmas decorations, complete a small honey-do list and relax in the peace and quiet instead. I also decided to try to do a little handy work by myself. Now, I never said I'm not a hard worker. I'm just not handy. I'll mow the lawn and do any type of basic house work with the best of them. I'm just not going to be able to figure out how to fix the dryer or the ceiling fan when something goes wrong. The ceiling fan? You mean the same ceiling fan in the living room that's been making an awful knocking sound every time I turn it on or off for the past year or so? That ceiling fan? The same ceiling fan that Daphne insists started making that knocking sound because it's been hit too many times by arrant horse shots or loose balls from man's game? (No pun intended.) Well, I had a little spare time so I decided to man up and climb up on the ladder and take that joker apart piece by piece if I had to, find the problem and fix it. And I did, in no time. MAN'S GAME!

I'll be honest, I was really proud of myself so I shot a text to my wife so she knew when she got home she could stop complaining about the knocking and stop worrying that the ceiling fan would fall on her head because Lord knows she'd trust that I fixed it properly. Hmm. That thought process right there gave me an idea of an innocent little joke really only intended to make myself laugh.

 "I'll just tell her that Mike fixed it" I thought. "It'll be funny. I know just how this conversation will go" I'll say, "Hey, guess who just fixed our knocking ceiling fan?"  She knows I'm home alone. At least I think she does. She'll assume I'm proud that I just did something pretty handy but she'll humor me and ask, "Who?" expecting me to say that I did it and brag on myself a little bit but I'll reply, "Mike" and she'll reply with something like, "Ha. Figures. Tell him thanks."  We'll both get a little chuckle and she'll be relieved because I think she convinced herself that it was going to be pretty hard to fix. So I sent the text. Here's how it went down:

ME: "Hey, guess who fixed our knocking ceiling fan?"

HER: Mike?

 Ouch! MAN'S GAME! Point for Mike. Just after this exchange I informed her through text that I fixed it myself but I didn't go into any details. I still haven't decided if I should let her know that when I climbed up on the ladder I happened to notice that all that was wrong was that a tiny screw had come slightly loose and when the fan blades were passing slowly they were ever so annoyingly brushing against the screw. It literally took one twist of a screw driver. Maybe I'll just leave that little detail out. Yeah, maybe. Point for me!