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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

My Dirty Little Secret: Coming Clean

So, if you follow the Dashboard Dad blog regularly, you've probably caught yourself thinking, "Wow, this guy really has life figured out. He's a guys guy who is exceptionally manly and he sets a good example of how a strong minded confident man should lead his family while still being in touch with his feelings enough to spit 'em out and express them through the majesty of blog. His wife must be the luckiest gal on earth, but I wonder how she was able to tame such a manly beast!?"

No? You've never thought that?

Am I that guy whose self perception is so far off from how others actually perceive him that people shake their heads in agreement during conversation, when in reality they are wondering how on earth he could possibly view himself in that manner? You know that guy right? I think we've all had at least one or two in our lives at some point. So disillusioned, but you're not gonna be the one to break it to him. The way he (or she for that matter) views himself couldn't be further from reality.

Well, speaking of reality, I have a dirty little secret and I think it's finally time for me to come clean. Sometimes things are just not what they appear, especially when you take the time to look in the deepest crevases of someone's life.

A few years back I let a certain something creep into my life and hide in my closet. I'm well past the denial stage. Now I'm just blaming it on everyone I possibly can, other than myself. It's probably best for me just to put it out there so all of you can hold me accountable from here on out. I'm desperate. I feel like this might be my only hope.

Have you ever experimented with drugs?
I'm not talking about your run of the mill gateway drug like marijuana. I'm talking about hard drugs. The kind that really sink their teeth into you and refuse to let you go. The kind that turn the entire remainder of your life into a constant one day at a time battle of abstaining from using.
Have you ever experimented with that type of drug?

Don't answer that question. I don't really want to know. I hope the answer is a resounding NO from all of you. Me? The answer is NO. I've never experimented with any type of drug in my life. However, there IS a reason why I bring it up. Thanks to my wife, I do believe I've experimented with something just as bad. She's the one who introduced me. She stuck that first figurative needle in my arm and she continues to enable me year after year. I feel like a slave to these chains she's shackled me with.

I really shouldn't blame her but the sad reality is that I do most times, even though I know that I have free will and that I am the one who ultimately made such a poor decision. I am the one who decided to follow her down this deep dark path. No one else. I honestly thought I could just dip my toes into "the devil's water" and not get hooked. I was wrong. I believe the key is avoiding that first figurative injection of the season. I've failed to do that multiple times. Now I spend my days and nights asking myself questions that I'm not sure I'll ever have the answers to:

  • Are Des and Chris truly happy? They sure seemed to have something special between the two of them, but does she ever let thoughts of Brooks creep back into her head? Oh, what could have been!?! Has her stupid brother screwed it up yet like he did with Sean or has he managed to keep his stupid mouth shut this time around, now that the cameras are gone? Punk! Poor Des. Good luck sweet girl. You are my favorite.

  • What was Jake thinking? Vienna? Really, Jake? A blind and deaf person could have told you she was a vindictive hussy. I guess you found out in the end didn't you? You two deserved each other. Creep. Good Riddance.

  • Brad??? Emily??? Never would have worked. Emily, you are a beautiful woman but you just exude high maintenance. Brad, come on man. Temper tantrums? Really? At your age? That guy just seemed fifty shades of f...nevermind.

  •  Did Sean really pick what's her face? I can't even remember her name but she would have been like my 8th choice. She must have shown you something that she never showed the camera because I just didn't see it, brother... and please explain to me how on earth you were fooled by Tierra's "sparkle" for so long. Come on man!!!

  • Josh and Andi, you guys live in the same town and you got to date on a Bachelor budget. How could you not make that work? I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Kids these days! 

  • Oh Ali, sweet Ali... and Roberto. Out of every couple in Bachelor history to break up, yours hurts  me the worst. You two crazy kids really seemed like you had what it takes. I just need to know why? WHY? That chemistry you two possessed together on the baseball field that time!?! What happened to it? Where did it go? Could I have done something to help? If I had started a fundraiser to put you guys up for just one more night in the fantasy suite could you recapture the magic and live happily ever after?????
Ah, The Bachelor!

 Will you accept this rose?

Will you accept my man card?

I think I'm too far gone. Tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At this point I'm not sure if I'm salvageable. I've been chasing the dragon for far too long. I think rock bottom for me was the time I was on my way to my flag football game one Monday night and I caught myself thinking about how grateful I was for our DVR. What is wrong with me? I'm supposed to be a man. How did I let things spiral this out of control?

 I've put the blame on my wife. I've even put the blame on Chris Harrison. I think I've finally found the person who deserves to have this blame resting squarely on his shoulders though. From here on out I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. No message could have been any clearer. If I wanna get my man card back I need to take a look at myself and then make that change.  Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah!

My name is Casey Grice and I'm a bachelorholic.
I admit that I am powerless over it.

One day at a time.

From here on out I will NEVER even think about The Bachelor again!!!!!

I'm a Man!!! I WILL overcome!!! I've got this!!! No doubt!!!

P.S. Did Chris really just pick Whitney over that pretty virgin girl Becca?!?


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  1. The Bachelorette?!?!
    Well buddy, our friendship was good while it lasted....

    What am I saying? A real friend doesn't abandon a guy when he's hit rock bottom. I'll rally the troops! I'll organize an intervention! Know that you're not alone. There are people that love you and only want to see you succeed. You can get through this!! No! WE can get through this!!

    1. Key word "we" thanks buddy. I knew you'd be there for me after you came to your senses.

  2. I too am tortured by the same questions as you, particularly Vienna - will we ever know the truth? Perhaps we need a support group.

    1. Hahaha. Vienna!!!!! We definitely need a support group. Thanks for reading and commenting... we'll get through this.

  3. I DVRd the first two seasons of Brett Michaels Rock of Love. These things happen

    1. Haha... I actually caught a few episodes of that myself but it didn't get its hooks in me like the bachelor, probably because of my wife's influence. Good to know I'm not alone Jeremy!

  4. It's ok bro, admission is the first step to recovery!

    Now you just need to lock yourself in your man-cave, and have 80 hours straight of Call of Duty, beer and pizza. Maybe then the man-card will be yours again!

    1. I'm getting there. Thanks for the suggestion on how to get back on the right track. Gotta re claim that man card!!!

  5.'s good that you're talking this out...